There are plenty of reasons why a person would not want to be full. According to the Physician and Psychiatrist Dr. John Pierrakos, there are main experiences that create barriers to be our true selves. These barriers are five wounds, were popularized by the famous French author, Lise Bourbeau. Those who hurt and feel are abandonment, rejection, injustice, humiliation, and betrayal.
Let’s start with a quick evaluation that will help you determine which wounds are the most significant barriers to your true self’s growth and expression.
Write YES NO next to these questions.
Do you feel like a victim regularly? (A)
As a child, did you ever think that you were wanted? (R) Do you lack self-confidence? (A, R, H, I)
Do you regularly seek solitude? (R)
Do you do the tasks slowly? (H)
Do you find it difficult to ask for help? (I)
Do you think you’re stable and very responsible? (B)
Do you want to be important in life? (B)
Do you regularly doubt your choices? (I)
Do you stress or get nervous before you speak? (R, I)
Do you use drugs or alcohol all the time? (R, A, H)
Do you feel anxious before you go on a trip, facing a change in your life? (A)
BECOME THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF
Do you like acting? (B)
Do you always need a presence around you? (A)
Do you feel the need to help others all the time? (A, H, B)
Are you demanding on yourself? (B, I)
Do you like everything to be in order around you? (B, I) Do you generally distrust others? (R, B, I)
Do you regularly have breathing problems? (R, A, H)
Do you often have body tensions? (B, I)
Are you impatient, refusing the slowness of others? (B, I)
Are you regularly convinced you are right? Do you try to convince others? (B)
Do you take care of other people’s problems before you take care of your own? Do you take care of others more easily than yourself? (H)
Do you often blame yourself; do you regularly feel guilty? (R, A, H, I)
Do you often have low blood sugar? Do you have diabetes? (R, A, H)
Are you hypersensitive to being dirty (take a few showers a day, hate having hands dirty, etc.)? (H)
Do you easily give up a project, a goal along the way? (R, A)
Are you bulimic? Or do you struggle with an eating disorder? (H)
SCORING
CALCULATE ALL THE YES FOR EACH LETTER
(R) REJECTION
10
(I) INJUSTICE
10
(H) HUMILIATION
10
(A) ABANDONMENT
10
(B) BETRAYAL
Now that you can see which wound has the most yes out of 10.
Let’s explore each one of those obstacles in your life and help you understand those deep wounds. Even if you didn’t score high on some scars, read the content because you might still relate to some of the information below.
Rejection
Rejection is a profound feeling of pain. It’s a deep feeling of being rejected in their being and especially in their right to exist. Therefore, it is practically impossible to be yourself when you wear that wound.
It is not unusual for people who feel rejected to have a fleeing physique: a body or a part of the body that seems to want to disappear or become very small.
As if the receding person wanted to go unnoticed for fear of being rejected.
In terms of behavior, they don’t feel like they should exist. They seek solitude. If they receive attention, they would be afraid of not knowing what to do. They can be fleeing, so they prefer not to get attached to material things because they would prevent them from running away. They often wonder what they are doing on this planet and find it hard to believe that they could be happy and bring something to this world.
At times, they don’t know what to do with themselves when they get too much attention. In relationships with others, they are continually finding ways to seek love from the parent of the same sex. They will reject themselves from a person of the other sex, often feeling guilty when facing rejection.
It’s not unusual for them to live in ambivalence; when they are accepted. They won’t believe it and often create a self-sabotaging situation so that others reject them. Their biggest fear is panic and anxiety because that often arises in them when they are dismissed.
Injustice
The wound related to injustice is intimately linked to the damage of rejection. While rejection touches the “being deep,” the harm of injustice touches on having and doing. People who have that wound often have a body rigid and as perfect as possible. They have a well-proportioned body; Rigid movements; Stiff neck, and very proud.
They are usually lively persons with dynamic movements but who are rigid and lacks flexibility.
Often a perfectionist and envious, these kind of people tend to cut themselves off from their feelings.
They try to be perfect and justifies themselves. They find it difficult to admit that they are going through a struggle. They often doubt their ability to chose.
They like order and tend to control themselves by demanding a lot from each other. They can be angry and cold and has difficulty showing affection. They don’t want to be late but will often be delayed because they take a long time to prepare.
It is often difficult for people with the injustice wound to accept compliments, help, or gifts from others because they feel in debt toward the person after. Their biggest fear is when others are cold toward them because that awakens the unfairness but is also a reflection of their shadow.
Humiliation
This wound is mostly related to the physical aspect of having and doing. Most individuals with the humiliation wound have a larger and round body, round face, with a broad and rounded neck.
They are often ashamed of themselves and others or afraid to shame others. They think they are dirty or unclean. They don’t want to recognize and assume their sensuality and their love of the pleasures associated with the senses. That is why they often compensate and reward themselves with food. And they gain weight quickly to give themselves a reason not to enjoy their insights. They are also afraid of being “punished” if they want a life too much. So, they ignore their freedom by putting others’ needs before their own so that they stop enjoying life.
Most individuals with the humiliation wound want to do everything for others. In reality, they want to create constraints and obligations to stop enjoying their freedom and life. This lack of enjoyment reinforces the feeling of being abused and humiliated. Similarly, they tend to demean and humiliate others by making them feel that they cannot do it alone without them. They are often inclined to blame themselves for everything and even take the blame for others. Their biggest fear is their freedom; they are afraid to lose the ability to be themselves when humiliated by others.
Abandonment
The wound experienced in the case of abandonment is the second deepest after that of rejection because they affect the being profound.
Most people with the abandonment wound lack tonus. Their body is usually long and slender with a back that becomes rounded and sagging. As if the spine and muscles were not able to keep the body upright. Their body seems to need help to hold on.
Those who suffer from abandonment do not feel emotionally nourished enough. People with abandonment wounds think they need constant help and support. They think that it cannot do anything on its own and regularly needs someone to support it. It often has ups and downs: for a while, they are happy, and everything is fine, and suddenly, they feel unhappy and sad. They tend to dramatize a lot: the smallest little incident takes on gigantic proportions. In a group, they like to talk about themselves and often brings everything back to them.
Besides, they usually seek the opinion or approval of others before making decisions. They can’t make up their minds or doubt their choice when they don’t feel supported by someone else. And when they do something for someone, they do it with the expectation of a return of affection. Their problems give them the gift of attention, and this prevents them from being abandoned. The more a person acts like a victim, the more his or her abandonment wound increases. Their greatest fear is loneliness since it is directly connected to that feeling of being abandoned.
Betrayal
The wound of betrayal is intimately related to being hurt). While abandonment is about being, the hurt of betrayal is about having and doing.
Their body often exhibits strength and power. In men: shoulders wider than the lower body. In women: lower body larger than the shoulders (pear-shaped body). The higher the asymmetry between the upper and lower body, the greater the betrayal wound.
Very uncompromising, they want to show others what they are capable of. They often interrupt and respond before a person is finished. When things don’t go fast enough to their liking, they become angry. They consider themselves hard-working and responsible: they struggle with laziness.
They hate not being trusted and do not always keep their commitments and promises or forces themselves to support them. They tend to be impatient and intolerant. They confide with difficulty and do not show their vulnerability.
People with a betrayal wound have great difficulty accepting the cowardice of others. They also have trouble delegating tasks while trusting others. Among the five injuries, the betrayal wounded is the one who has the most expectations towards others because he likes to foresee and control everything. Unlike abandonment wounded who has expectations of others because they want to be loved and supported in their abandonment injury, the expectations of the betrayal hurt are to check that others do what they need to do well to verify if they can trust them.
They firmly state what they believe and expect others to agree with their beliefs. They tend to express their point of view categorically and seeks to
convince others at all costs. When someone understands them, they agree with them, which unfortunately is not always the case. Their biggest fears are disengagement, separation, dissociation, and denial, which are often experienced in a situation of betrayal.
It is essential to know what your wounds are to identify your limits and what obstacles stop you from being your true self. By being aware of your behaviors and wounds, you know yourself better and understand why you tend to behave in specific ways. Maybe one of your wounds is betrayal. You get very insecure in your relationship when your partner doesn’t live up to your expectations. Knowing that about yourself, you can learn to improve relationships and react to certain situations.
The first step to heal your wounds is to observe yourself when you feel hurt. You can then accept that you aren’t perfect, and it’s OK to recognize the hurt. Last is to admit your fear and allow yourself to move through that fear by being vulnerable and honest with yourself and others.
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t. You’re right.” Henry Ford
